surprisingly social

I lead a pretty quiet life. As I said in an interview at jama rattigan's alphabet soup blog my average day goes like:

I wake up, eat, check my email and surf the net under the guise of "industry research," which usually meanders its way to "book idea research." Then, when I am horrified at the amount of time I have spent sitting on my bum "researching" (probably while eating at the same time), I go outside and ride my bike or go to the gym for an hour or two. Then I return home and either write, draw or paint -- trying all the while not to get sucked back into "researching." Of course I inevitably do, and the rest of the day is filled with the back and forth battles of concrete work vs. pretend work. This usually goes on until I go to sleep at night, unless I am seeing friends for dinner or someone comes over. Depending on deadlines and/or the next day's schedule, I go to bed at around 11 p.m. - 2 a.m. Of course everyday errands such as cleaning, groceries, etc., get jumbled in, but all in all, I have a pretty quiet life. I hope that wasn't too disillusioning!

But recently, I have been surprisingly social. Meeting rock star illustrators like Melissa Sweet:
who gave an inspiring talk at the North Shore Reading Council meeting. Other than oozing with envy over her studio (it's a whole separate house!), I loved when she talked about taking a risk with each book that she does.

But before I could ponder too much on that, I went to a school visit at the Gordon School in RI, where they treated ME like a rock star:
They even made a little photo essay about the day. Thanks, Gordon School! You were great!

But no sooner had I recuperated from the visit, that I took off for VT to have lunch with rock star author An Na (and her beautiful daughter):
and then an event at the rock star bookstore The Flying Pig:
which is a celebrity to me because I am a regular reader of the Shelftalker blog. Here I am with rockstar blogger Josie Leavitt:



And from there...I went to bed and slept for 10 hours before I returned to my quiet life. I was tired. I'm not used to all this excitement!

Planning for a deadline

Since the art for Disappearing Desmond is due in a week (final stretch!), I thought I'd talk about how I pace myself with a picture book deadline. This book is 40 pages with self ends and has many, many illustrations in it... I laid it out with a lot of spots and vignettes and square-ups of all sizes. So to keep it all straight, as soon as the sketches got approved, I printed out thumbnails of all the pages that look like this:



I wrote the date I planned to do each painting above its thumbnail. I don't always follow this plan, but it helps to have an idea of how much I need to accomplish each week to make the deadline. Of course sometimes paintings take more or less time than expected... there are several with this book I've repainted entirely. But again having an overview helps make such an immense amount of painting seem less overwhelming.

So I go along, beginning each painting on the planned week. Once I've begun an image I put a check on top of its thumbnail. I say begun because I don't usually finish all the paintings til the very end. I'll usually go as far as I can until I reach a point where I am not sure what to do next. Usually at some point I will get stumped by which color or pattern to choose. So to keep myself from ruining or overworking the painting, I put it aside and move on to the next one. I like to hang these half finished paintings around my studio, so I can keep them on the creative back burner.



Then once all the paintings are on their way, I go back and finish them all off. This is where I am now, I've planned these last couple weeks to fill in all the details left in each piece. Finishing them all around the same time helps me be consistent; when I've worked in sequence sometimes by the end I end up with a style that has shifted somewhat. When a piece is finished I turn the check above each thumbnail into an x. I know, I'm ocd that way.

I'd be really curious to know how other people plan, or don't plan, this all out- how do YOU do it?

Look at page 147 of Jerry Spinelli's new book

Alvina must have given him the book -- but Alvina, did you know he quoted it?

Do you outline?

Do you make an outline when you're writing a novel? And when you do, how long and detailed is it?

I "write long," as editors say, and always find myself cutting out over half of early drafts --because I include a lot of details that I don't need AND because the story not only becomes more focussed but sometimes completely changes as I write it. So it seems that making an outline, especially, a really action-oriented one, one sentence per chapter, could really save a lot of time and keep the story on track.

Or does that make things too forced? I'm really curious about how other people do it!

Right now I'm doing it both ways--writing a novel of my own without an outline, and a work-for-hire ghostwritten novel with one. I'm also forcing myself to write the work-for-hire book IN ORDER -- and am already straying from the outline. I have to admit that this is part of the fun of writing -- being surprised by what the characters do and say. But I know from experience that it results in 8 or 10 drafts where (in my imagination, anyway) other people would write 1 or 2 or 3.

My best friend writes for TV and there, they beat out every script before they write it. And it is THEY: a group of writers sit in a room, discussing every scene until they have an outline that lists every scene -- who's in it, where it takes place, what happens. Then and only then is the story given to a writer, or writers, to actually write.

After I finish the work-for-hire project I'm going to beat out my novel -- and count myself lucky that I'm doing it alone, without a roomful of people complaining about or criticizing every idea. Or would that be a good thing? Maybe I should imagine them, too -- I know enough writers well enough to be able to guess pretty accurately what they would say.

Toucan Talk: An Original Animal Mask Poem

Today, I posting a poem that I wrote many, many years ago...then put aside. I worked on it again for one of Tricia's Poetry Stretches at the Miss Rumphius Effect last May: Monday Poetry Stretch - Animal Poems.

Here is my new version of my mask poem about a toucan. It may revised again. One never knows when one is finished with a poem

TOUCAN TALK

by Elaine Magliaro

I’m Toucan. I’m more beak than bird.

In profile I may look absurd.

I sport a bill that’s giant-size.

It’s true. I don’t hyperbolize.

It’s strong and filled with rigid foam.

It’s like an airy honeycomb.

It doesn’t weigh me down. It’s light!

It’s sharp.

It’s colorful

And bright.

It helps me to attract a mate.

It’s perfect female birdie bait!

It’s really great for plucking fruit

From trees—and self defense, to boot.

A useful tool, it’s versatile—

A beak that truly fits the bill!

********************

At Wild Rose Reader, I have a review of The Tree That Time Built: A Celebration of Nature, Science, and Imagination, a wonderful new anthology that connects science and poetry. It was compiled by US Children's Poet Laureate Mary Ann Hoberman and her good friend Linda Winston.

My poem of the Week at Political Verses is HOT DOG!: A Turley Blawg Verse.

The Poetry Friday Roundup Is at Wild Rose Reader Today!

feeling guilty part II

So I am once again feeling guilty (I think if you polled people who work at home you'd find that a large number of us experience this!). I am wearing my "pajamas" -- really my work out clothes because I didn't feel like getting dressed since I'm going to the gym later. I've been watching TV (not really, but it's on) and looking up facts on the internet all afternoon. I am, in fact, getting "work" done, but I put work in quotes because it doesn't feel like work to me. Since I work 3 days at BN I feel like that is what real work is--being tortured. The job really does feel like torture sometimes. Customers can be very difficult and I often feel like a social worker because there are quite a few mental patients who frequent the store.

Today, however, I am on break from that. I'm doing what I want to do. Somehow, though, it doesn't feel like work! I suppose that's why I feel guilty.

I don't want to say much about what I'm working on because I don't want to be copied, but I will say that it involves recycling old material that didn't make it into previous books.

meghan

Saturday at the Flying Pig!

Celebrate National Bookstore Day this Saturday with me at the Flying Pig Bookstore!

Saturday, Nov. 7th, 1 pm
Flying Pig Bookstore
5247 Shelburne Rd.
Shelburne, VT

local but can't make it? Reserve an autographed copy and pick it up later! Call: 802-985-3999

Hope to see you!!

love this too

check out this coolness

red dress

I was going to do a post about the Smith College event that Anna & I attended, but fellow author Jeannine Atkins did such a nice write-up on her blog I thought I'd just link there!

So since I'm not writing about that, I can spend more time doing my most present distraction: SHOPPING!

Okay, even when I was young there were two things I loved reading about in books. Food (which is why I loved Farmer Boy) and clothes (which is why I loved Ballet Shoes). I loved reading the descriptions of what the characters wore, their imaginings of the perfect party dress, and pretty clothes that they sighed over.

Which is why I claim that as one of the excuses for my current preoccupation: looking for a new dress. I have to admit, just like the girls in the books I read, I love pretty clothes and looking at them (trying them on is a different story--sometimes a bit disheartening--which is why I love online shopping)).

So, even though I have plenty of time to look with my Today Show appearance scheduled for Dec. 4th, I've been hunting relentlessly. Some suggested the blue dress but I think I would like something red, something that will be bright and lucky...something like this:

which is my recent splurge (though I can still return it). It's a bit dressy compared to what other authors have worn, but I feel like it's unlikely I'll be on the Today Show again so might as well go in my nicest duds! What do you think?

Disappearing Desmond continued

Apologies for the late post, I spent the morning in Connecticut at a school visit, and the afternoon at a book talk given by the lovely Alison Morris at the Smith College Campus school- a follow up to the book fair yesterday where Grace and I presented and signed with a bunch of local author/illustrators. It was a busy day considering I usually sit at my drafting table all by my lonesome (with the possible company of my cats), and a needed break before the final stretch to my deadline.

Anyhow, here is the conclusion to last week's post about one of the Disappearing Desmond paintings. Just a few more to go, all the art will be done less than two weeks- eek!

When we left off I had just started to repaint the figures over the background layers:



Next I filled in the snowman and Desmond, dressed in blue to blend into the shadows:



Then I worked on the two figures behind him, beginning patterns on their clothing:



More layers, on the trees especially:



And the finished painting:

Beyond the Book: Freaks and Revelations by Davida Wills Hurwin

Beyond the Book: Freaks and Revelations by Davida Wills Hurwin

What if a stranger hated you?

This raw, moving novel follows two teenagers—one a Mohawk-wearing, Punk-rocking seventeen-year-old Neo-Nazi; the other a gay thirteen-year-old cast out by his family, hustling on the streets and trying to survive. Told in alternating perspectives, this book tells the story of the boys’ lives before and after the violent hate crime that changes both their futures. This is a tragic but ultimately inspirational journey of two very polarized teens, their violent first meeting, and then their peaceful reunion years later. It is an unforgettable story of survival and forgiveness.

Acclaimed author Davida Wills Hurwin weaves a compelling and powerful story, inspired by the real lives of Timothy Zaal and Matthew Boger. Theirs is a journey from fear and hate to tolerance and hope. And it is proof that people can truly change.

This book has had an interesting genesis—it started when a film agent approached a literary agent asking her if she knew anyone who could write the story of two men, Matthew Zaal and Timothy Boger, in book form. The literary agent really saw this as powerful material for a young adult novel, and approached her client Davida Wills Hurwin about taking it on.

When I met with with the agent over two years ago, I was initially interested because of Davida’s involvement—her first novel, A Time for Dancing, had been published by Little, Brown and was the first YA book I read after starting work there. It was handed to me by another assistant (Amy!) who told me that although Little, Brown did not publish much young adult fiction, A Time for Dancing was a perfect example of the type of YA we did publish. I absolutely loved it—I thought her writing was beautiful, and that she perfectly captured the raw emotion of the story. And, of course, it made me cry. And then, when the agent went on to tell me the incredible story of these two men (whose story has been shared on NPR, the Oprah Winfrey Show, and more) I thought, this is exactly the kind of book I love to read. Edgy but authentic, and ultimately uplifting and inspirational. In fact, after the meeting my assistant Connie kept saying, "Are you excited? This is your kind of book!"

The book was in the process of being written when the agent pitched it, and so it wasn't until over six months later that I finally was able to read it. And it delivers. Davida has done a brilliant, sensitive job of bringing their story to life. She interviewed both men at length, going back to meet with Tim again and again after realizing that his story was more challenging to tell. It’s such a powerful story even as fiction, and the fact that it’s based on truth takes it to that next level. She also wrote a very thoughtful author's note at the end of the book explaining her process, and we also include a brief Q&A with Tim and Matthew. I've had the opportunity to meet Davida twice so far, and she is such a warm, loving soul. It has been such a pleasure working with her.

The book's official publication date was yesterday. Happy book birthday! As always, I love the design of this book, this time by the amazing Ben Mautner who told me that he couldn't stop thinking about the book after he read it. He put so much thought and care into the design. Here's the cover...

If you take off the jacket, a stark white case cover is revealed with just the word "Revelations" that shows through a die-cut in the front of the jacket:

And here is the full jacket:

On the back cover, we had some wonderful advanced praise--I was so pleased to discover how strongly others responded to the book:

"In the lively voices of the separate narrators, two antagonists survive a hate-crime collision. Their entwining paths point a new way forward. Hurry to read this book; time is still of the essence."
-Gregory Maguire, author of Wicked and Matchless

"In addition to being impossible to put down, Freaks and Revelations is that rare book with the power to change the world. Lots of books shine a light on the humanity of the oppressed victim. This book grants humanity to everyone. Freaks and Revelations should be required reading for all humans. We need what it provides, and we'll be better for it."
-Catherine Ryan Hyde, author of Diary of a Witness, Pay it Forward, and Becoming Chloe

"Your heart will break as you follow these two scared, scarred boys toward the night both will regret forever. A compelling and essential book for teens."
-Ellen Wittlinger, author of Love & Lies, Parrotfish, and Printz Honor Book Hard Love

“Freaks and Revelations proves that the power of forgiveness and understanding will always triumph over hate. A brutally realistic story, told with gut-wrenching authenticity.”
--Julie Anne Peters, author of Keeping You a Secret and National Book Award finalist Luna

In Freaks and Revelations, Davida Wills Hurwin exquisitely illuminates a dark, haunting story of pain and redemption so that it stays in the reader's heart long after the last page is turned.
--Alex Sanchez, author of Rainbow Boys and Bait

“Freaks and Revelations is a must-read, and should find a conspicuous place on bookshelves in every high school in the US. The book offers amazing insight into the nature of hate, and the crimes it perpetrates. Davida Wills Hurwin should be very proud!”
--Ellen Hopkins, author of Crank, Impulse and National Book Award finalist Burned

“Freaks and Revelations is a painfully-honest journey through the collision-course lives of two adolescents…one a homeless gay kid hustling the streets of West Hollywood the other an increasingly violent white supremacist desperate to find himself in LA’s punk rock scene. Through misfortune and serendipity both boys learn the meaning of pain and forgiveness.”
--J. Dallas Dishman, Ph.D., hate crimes researcher and author of “Anti-Gay Violence in the City of West Hollywood”

We also received the strongest response from our teen Hip Scouts that I've ever experienced. Here's just a taste of a few of the reviews:

"Freaks and Revelations by Davida Wilis Hurwin was a rare novel that showed the truth behind human nature. Hurwin captures people in their most vulnerable state, being faced with something completely different from your own views, and self discovery....Overall this novel is a beacon of hope and a step closer to coexistence and acceptance of any lifestyle. This doesn't rank as a 'must read.' It is ranked as an 'absolutely need to read!'"
-Jeff, 17


"Through Freaks and Revelations, Ms. Hurwin has opened not only my eyes but the eyes of everyone worldwide to hatred and misguidance that could and can be prevented. I am in awe. This story could not be told any better if not by the real people themselves. I couldn't put it down. I loved it; every single word of it. There is hope for a better world, where people understand and respect each other rather than the hate that engulfs us now."
-Michelle, 18


"Freaks and Revelations was one of the best books I have ever read. Profiling the two main characters years before the incident gives readers a chance to get to know the characters and gives them an insight as to why they act the way they do and how they got to that point. It also allows the readers to sympathize with the characters and go through their hardships with them. All of this makes the book more touching and a better read. Each hardship a character went through, I felt as well. It also raises awareness for those who have to suffer in this way. I think that this story is so important to have out there and it was done in a brilliant way which paints a picture impossible to ignore."
-Julia, 15


"Freaks and Revelations is the sort of book that strikes its readers as completely different, new and gripping. The two main characters, Jason and Doug, are from extremely diverse backgrounds, but it's easy to relate to them both in many ways. Their story is a story about the struggle to survive in a world where no one else understands the way you are, the struggle to grow up when you don't know if anyone even cares whether you do, the struggle every teenager faces in deciding if it's okay to be unique. The reality of this tale is powerfully intense, and its message is one that everyone should take to heart. Freaks and Revelations definitely gives its readers a deeper understanding of what it means to hate, to love, and to respect one another. It is truly a masterpiece."
-Melissa, 17


"Freaks and Revelations by Davida Wills Hurwin is a raw and poignant book about two young boys ostracized from their families and left to fend on their own. This novel is told through dual perspectives, and the readers are captivated by the raw emotion each of the characters experience. They cross paths in the most unusual way and in the end, everyone learns about how everyone should be treated with respect. I recommend this book to anyone who is willing to gain a new awareness and want to read an amazing book."
-Tynisha, 16

And finally, a glowing review from School Library Journal:

"Freaks and Revelations is based on a true story so emotionally detailed that it could easily be a memoir....Hurwin gets inside her characters’ pain without sentiment; she present each home and its horrors soberly...The author’s prose is clear and incisive, and many chapters resonate like good short stories. Jason’s narrative stands with Kathleen Jeffrie Johnson’s Target and Laurie Halse Anderson’s Speak as a survivor’s story. Doug’s equally layered story—of coming full circle out of hate—sets it apart." --School Library Journal

I absolutely love this book. It's raw, and there are parts that are certainly tough to read, but above all it is honest, authentic, and as many of the quotes say, I think this should be required reading for all. It is a look into lives most likely very different from your own, it is a book about tolerance, acceptance, empathy, and change. I hope you'll all read it. It is a book that gives me hope.

THIS IS CRAZY...

He did the whole book in miniature!

Smith College Campus School book fair

Grace and I will each be doing a brief presentation and book signing at the Smith College Campus School annual book fair in Northampton on Monday November 2nd. It is free and open to the public so come on by!

Other participating authors and illustrators: Patricia MacLachlan, Heidi Stemple, Rich Michelson, Corinne Demas, Jeannine Atkins,Mo Willems, Marguerite Davol, Barbara Diamond Goldin, Kevin Markey, Michael Nelson, Shelley Rotner, Diane de Groat, Jane Dyer, Brooke Dyer, and Jeff Mack.

Not a bad line-up, eh?

We will each present for ten minutes from 3:00-3:40 pm
Book signing to follow from 3:45-5:00 pm

I made this music video last night, for Halloween

it showcases Mercy Brown's grave--the "vampire" from RI

new video for pop

a reading of aliens

I just found this online:


Aliens are Coming

Slowpoke | MySpace Video

Not broken?

I fell about two weeks ago, and the arm really hurt -- but I figured it was just a bad sprain, and that if I went to the doctor, he would just tell me to ice it, rest, etc. so I figured I'd save the $60 (the cost of a visit to the community health clinic).

But when two weeks had gone by and the pain was getting worse, not better, I called the clinic:

"I think my arm is broken."

"No one can see you today -- the doctor is leaving early and we're very busy."

I asked if they'd call if there was a cancellation, there was, and she did -- twice (on my way there the first time she called to say she was sorry, she'd made a mistake, that appointment had been taken already). But, eventually I did see the doctor, who was was his usual amiable but disinterested self: blabbering on about how he was leaving in a few minutes (it was almost noon), since it was the day "once a week when I take care of my own health needs."

"Once a week!" I said, surprised, and thinking he must have some serious medical condition. "What are you having done?"

"Oh, every week I take half a day for my own mental health--today I'm writing letters...." (blah blah -- by the way this half day is in addition to being off all weekend)

He looked up from his laptop briefly to feel the arm and say it might or might not be broken, and that I'd need to go to the hospital to get x-rays. I drove over there, waited another hour, and filled out more forms while the admins complained about their computer system being down and joked with each other about personal matters. Not one speck of interest shown in me or my arm here either. I finally saw the x-ray technician who greeted me by name, and seemed both competent and interested -- but said that (by law) she wasn't allowed to tell me if the arm was broken or not.

She DID ask me to wait after she'd taken the x-rays, though, and after awhile, came back and said "someone wants to talk to you."

It was an admin from the clinic who said the arm was broken. I asked what to do (cast? splint? sling?) -- she didn't know, but, when pressed by me to ask the doctor, eventually suggested that I drive to a pharmacy where, she said, the doctor would call in a splint or something. She also asked me which orthopedic surgeon I wanted to see, I said I didn't know, could she recommend one? She said she'd get back to me. (She never did.) How much the x-rays cost no one could tell me, since the computers were down, except that there would be two charges, one for the x-rays themselves and one for the radiologist (never seen or talked to by me) who looked at them electronically and ruled on whether or not there was a fracture.

So, I drove to the pharmacy -- nothing had been called in from the doctor and the pharmacist said that clinic was impossible to reach, so we picked out something together ($29) and I drove home. By this time 5 hours had passed. I tried again to call the clinic for a recommendation -- the x-ray technician had said I should see someone: "you're lucky the fracture didn't reach the joint, if it had you'd never bend that arm again."

I called a friend and got HIS recommendation -- if I was going to pay to see an orthopedic surgeon, I wanted to see a good one. The admin said "Can you get here in 15 minutes?" She said she couldn't give directions, she didn't know the area, and was acrimonious when I said in that case, I'd have to call her back once I'd google-mapped it. I did, and we made an appointment -- after she had cautioned me that "it could cost $250, do you have the money?"

All this time, my arm was hurting more and more from the driving and stress.

By the time I had found the surgeon's office, waited another hour, and seen the orthopedic surgeon, the whole day had gone by.....Though I admit that the surgeon WAS very nice, and also reassuring: when you're in pain, and wondering what's wrong, talking to someone who seems to know what he's doing is helpful and calming in and of itself; but he wasn't just knowledgeable, he was NICE. He went over the x-rays with me in detail, explained exactly what was going on, and said I'd done just the right things and that the sling I'd picked out was just fine. He added that the new theory about treating broken bones is not to restrict movement -- in England now they don't even use slings!

"But that's a bit harsh and stiff upper lip."

Luckily, he was with me, still talking, when I went to the front desk to pay and when they said it would be $250, the surgeon said:

"Just charge her for an office visit."

"How much is that?"

"I don't know, ask them in billing."

It was $75.

On the way home, thinking of all the snide comments I've heard against the "public option" and "socialized medicine," I couldn't help thinking of when I broke my arm in Ireland a few years ago. I was riding and when the horse refused a fence, fell forward and landed on my arm. The friend I was with drove me to a small country hospital; within an hour, I had been examined by a very nice doctor, given an x-ray, put in a cast, and sent home. The cost? An optional 15 pounds, which I of course paid. The whole experience was PLEASANT, even cozy (afterwards, my friend and I went to a local pub and had some excellent Irish whisky in front of a peat-burning fire).

Here, if I had health insurance, which I don't, I would be paying at least $600 a month for it -- and would have had to pay everything I paid for the arm anyway, since for $600/month your deductible is pretty high. Our health care system is more broken than my arm (for details., listen to This American Life's Someone else's money and More is less)....

But, I'm happy to say that -- aside from the wasted day yesterday -- this hasn't slowed me down on my novel at all. I sent 80 pages of it to my agent and while waiting to hear what she thinks, am writing more. I've learned my lesson about waiting to hear: DON'T. Keep going, start something else, but keep writing. I read once about an author who said she knew she was a writer when her baby threw up on the page; she just wiped it off and kept going. This broken arm has been that experience for me. I was writing when the clinic called to say they could squeeze me in after all -- and I went on writing when I got home.

POETRY FRIDAY: Song of the Witches

Here's a little Shakespeare that's perfect for reciting at Halloween:

Song of the Witches
by William Shakespeare

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and caldron bubble.
Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the caldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg and howlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and caldron bubble.
Cool it with a baboon's blood,
Then the charm is firm and good.

Last April, I wrote a political parody of Shakespeare’s Song of the Witches that I posted at Political Verses. Here it is:

Stewing Brew: A Macbethian Melange
or
Pelosi's Pot-au-Pooh-Poohers
by Elaine Magliaro

Round about the cauldron go:
In the pompous lard butt throw.
Rush the bilious radio host—
That’s what needs to cook the most.
In the brimstone broth immersed—
Limbaugh, Limbaugh! Be he first.


You can read the rest of my poem here: Potent Political Pottage a la Shakespeare

********************

At Wild Rose Reader, I have reviews of three poetry books that would be great to share with kids at Halloween.

My poetry post this week at Political Verses is a Paean to a Bovine Beauty.

Jennie has the Poetry Friday Roundup at Biblio File.

feeling guilt

I've been feeling better for a month or so now, and immediately the guilt is back. I"m talking about the not working 24/7 guilt. I just finished my adult memoir and somehow that isn't enough. Nothing is enough. Watching TV is awful. Eating is awful. Everything I do is awful unless it involves working. I hate it! I work as a cashier 3 days a week. I wish I could take 2 days off like a normal person without that guilt hanging over my head! When I was feeling sick all the time I didn't care about any of it. In fact, I didn't care to update my website or to work on books or anything book related. Now those interests are back, which is good, but as I said above, it comes with a price.

The guilt is back.