Friday, December 10, 2010
I can't help myself when I get a new idea. Actually... this is an old one that keeps coming up over and over again. I was brutally made fun of in junior high. To the point, actually, where I thought of suicide multiple times. I don't know if I ever would have done it and to what extent it really was but I remember thinking of it. I also remember starving myself for a while. I completely understand how incidents like Columbine happened. I thought about that kind of thing too. Not killing everybody--just the people who picked on me. And I don't think I ever would have done it of course! but I would picture it in my head.
SO... over and over again I have thought about how I could do a teen book about this. A novel? A graphic novel? My latest idea today because I was organizing and trying to go through papers and found some poetry I'd done was to do a poetry type thing with art.
Here's my question: my memory of this is fading by the year. It was a long time ago now! And believe me, it took a LONG time to get over this. A LONG, LONG time. Now that I'm healed, is it healthy to try to remember details to write a book about it? I mean, the healing process obviously was to forget about stuff. So should I TRY to bring it back? The crazy thing is that for a year after some of it happened I actually DID FORGET. Isn't that weird? I really forgot whole parts of things that happened directly after I got out of jr. high. I'm sure there is some medical reason for this if I did some research.
Please know that I'm not totally screwed up or damaged because I'm not! I'm healed from all of it but it was a painful experience. but I want kids to know that if they're picked on they're not alone and it's NOT their fault! I think that some people make them feel like it is because they don't stand up for themselves and that sort of thing and that's not it at all. I mean, schools need to take responsibility for what goes on. My mom is a social worker and I got into a debate w/her about this yesterday. she thinks I don't stand up for myself. Yeah, I don't always. but what came first, the chicken or the egg? I wasn't always like this! She thinks kids need to stand up for themselves and bullies won't pick on them. Not so simple. The bullies shouldn't be in school and walking the hallways period.
Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent here. My original question is: Is it too much to dredge up the past? Yes or no?
Posted by Meghan McCarthy at 6:19 PM