So I've done a lot of thinking today (mostly while stuck in the doctor's office - long story but I met with his assistant and then when the assistant went to get the dr. to come talk to me he was nowhere to be found - lunch break perhaps? I sat for quite a while. Yeah. And in all that makes 6 appointments this week and 3 in one day!). Anyway, so I thought about why I'm so obsessed with this music thing right now. Why not painting? It's because I'm so accustomed to painting and illustrating that I can do it w/out thinking. That means while doing such activities I have PLENTY of time to think. And what is on my mind right now? Nothing good. But the music and the making of my books on audio - those things require all of my attention. There's no room for extra thought! It's just me and the sounds and the sound editing. It's the same thing with running--my mind isn't capable, for some reason, of deep thought while I run. So that's my meditation, clear the brain time. And the music and audio--that's my escapism. Right now I need a lot of that because otherwise I'm an emotional mess. But I don't want to check out of life/being creative completely... thus the music.
So there you have it. I'm kind of happy that I figured it out.